Posts Tagged ‘self-incrimination? nah.’

selfie game weak

March 20, 2014

So, I tried to take some shots of myself wearing my latest finished object.  (Lucy in the Sky Cardigan in Cascade Yarns Longwood, zinfindel color, which is best in first photo).

lucypicsmtumblr lucypicsmback

My self-shots are weak.  Here’s the process:

Find camera.

Realize only mirror of adequate size is in the bathroom.  Find clean part of wall.  Try to take picture.  Contort until you get something reasonable in mirror.  Realize you’re too short for whole sweater to be in mirror.  Find footstool.

Try again.  Realize you don’t know where the button to actually take the photo is.  Turn camera so you can reach button.  Flick wristband out of way, which moves whole image.

Try again.  Take photo.  Swear when you realize you still have the flash on and it whites out whole image.  Turn flash off.  Contort some more.  Take photo.  Look briefly at image.  Feel bad about horrible fluorescent eco-friendly lighting.  Take a couple more shots.  Realize ancient bathrobe on back of bathroom door is in image.  Realize you have big pimple on forehead.  Figure you’ll crop that unflattering stuff out.

Find camera cable.  Upload photos.  Start editing images.  Realize that  mirror is dirty and current t-shirt looks terrible under sweater.  The sweater, which, after all, is the focus of the whole thing.  Swear some more.

Go back, change t-shirt, clean mirror.  Take opportunity to take down ancient bathrobe.  Do whole selfie thing again.

Look at second set of photos on computer.  Notice that second set of photos is bad – infinitely worse than the images with the dirty mirror.  Give up and load those anyway because people are only going to care about the sweater.

I do not know how other people do it, with all the self-consciousness going on and all the life-editing that must be applied.  Anyway, I’m thinking those are people are much better at this than I am, or their places are super clean, or that I care too much.  Either way, I’m probably just going to be placing finished item on the floor next time I want to take a picture.  (That is, after I finish mopping it clean.)

shutting down a thread

December 8, 2011

I am sort of infamous for shutting down conversations.  I either say the wrong thing, go off in an awkward direction, or say nothing at all.  I am spreading this tendency to the internet.  Here, in semi-redacted glory, is my finest attempt yet at communicating like a regular person.  (Things in <> are redacted.  Everything else was as posted.)

Friend is talking about not wanting to go to one of those parties that are covers for selling you stuff you don’t want.  Then the discussion gets onto those “lingerie” parties – I shall call it “Intimate Touch” but you all know what I’m talking about.

(And for the record, I was just trying to be funny.)

ME:  “Dear Saleslady, I’m afraid I shall have to decline going to your “Intimate Touch” party. I am looking for a venue more suited to my tastes. If you should become a purveyor of something like a F*ckin’ Freak Show, come back and I will be more than happy to attend. Thank you very much. 🙂 ”

ME:  I mean, honestly. Just call it like it is and you might actually have a chance with me. “Intimate Touch.” My ass. Yes. That’s right. I said it. (Although I have bought some nice things at a <Cooking Stuff> party once. But I am a cooking gadgets whore.)

ME: Although I probably would also attend something like a F*ckin’ Freak Show. Even though it might be hard to find babysitters. (ha.)

FRIEND OF FRIEND:  It sounds like you are more than just a cooking gadgets whore….

ME:  If one is attending a “Intimate Touch” party, I should imagine that one is also a whore. But perhaps one calls themselves “an escort.”

FRIEND:  <MKONGLISH7>, I heart you. Meet <FRIEND OF FRIEND>. I imagine the two of you would get along quite well.

ME:  ‎(Rant Here – please skip if you are easily embarrassed.) Late on television (which I watched an ungodly amount while my children were infants) there would be shows – young women dressed very nicely with good manicures who would try to sell things to you that were clearly adult materials. But then they’d go on and on about how nice the case is, and how-well known the manufacturer is. Are You Kidding Me? WHO CARES ABOUT THE CASE? I don’t care if it’s made from genuine nauga-vinyl from elf ears – okay? Sell THE THING! It’s your job – work it! Stop giggling and acting like you don’t know what it’s for. I have babies – I know what those things are for. SELL IT!

ME:  Oh, hi <FRIEND OF FRIEND>. Nice to meet you.

Aaand cue the crickets.  Oh yes, I have killed the thread.  If I went about it now, I’d probably mention something about only caring about the color of sale item if it glowed in the dark, say, or the necessity of mentioning battery life.  Sigh.

I always do this.  I mean, I think it’s funny, but it’s also sort of awful, because maybe they don’t think I’m funny.  Maybe they just think I’m an-honest-to-swearword freak.

It’s hard not knowing if people think you’re funny or they think they need to back away from you slowly when you approach them.

EDITED to fix redacted bits.

little staring problem

July 15, 2011

Yeah.  That was me at the playground the other day.  The lady with the little staring problem.

That’s because a white dude in a tank top pushing a kid on a swing had MY last name tattooed across his bicep in olde Englishe scripte.

I don’t have one of the top 5 Korean last names (never mind a Korean last name that could be mistaken for a non-Asian last name – Im, Kim, Park, Paik, Pak, Lee, Ee, Choi, Choe, Che, Yun, Yoon, etc.) so it was a disorienting moment to find in the Great White North (where I live) to see my Korean Last Name on some dude’s arm.

A Dude That Is Not Korean.

(His kid didn’t seem Korean or even partly-Korean to me, either, so I don’t know.  Maybe he’s some part ethnic Korean that doesn’t show?  Maybe he’s a fan of some kinds of media or some multinational corporation?  I got nothing.  The best I could come up with is maybe there’s some word in some other language that sounds and spells like my name in English.)

And yes, I am visibly East Asian looking – so that’s my level of comparison.

in case it comes to trial…

June 12, 2011

A friend of mine is following the Caylee Anthony case.  She talked about some of the things that came out during the trial – like the purchase of duct tape, and the Internet searches for home-made chloroform.

I said that I often have something like that on my home computer.  She looked a little startled, but I explained my writing to her – and then the searches I’ve done in the past year.  Arsenic poisoning, is it possible to break a neck by snapping it quickly to one side (like in kung fu movies – but it is very hard to do, so I didn’t use that idea), how to really use a katana.  In previous years, I’ve looked up bomb-making, fire fighting techniques, and WWII-era guns and artillery.  It makes me sound positively sinister – but because she knew me, she dismissed it.  (She actually found it pretty funny, but did comment that I should let people know what kind of research I do, otherwise, you know, it looks pretty bad.)

So, here it is, public.  I am a writer.  Sometimes, my research is a little, well, suspicious.  Please do not hold this against me, prosecution! ( If anything happens to anyone around me, I want you to know –  I am a law-abiding citizen and have no enemies that I know of.)  I actually have proof my research is used in my stories – check the fanfic link.  Thank you very much.