not gonna post

Hey.  How’ve you been, this fine new year?  W says it’s like living in the future, it being 2011 and all.

I’ve been sitting on a story for a while now.  But it’s not done yet, and I just can’t post until it is done.  I love the attention of posting, but I’ve found I sort of screw up my head when I post in sections before the story is done.

I don’t know what it is – whether it is because of the attention and the expection or what.  Part of it is that I’m always editing.  ALWAYS.  So I want the freedom to go back and mess around with the first page, wherever I am in the actual story telling, which seems like bad manners to readers when you go off and change things on them in an on-going storyline.  The other part is that I’m obviously not mature enough to take the attention – because it can throw me off my plot and make me nervous about people’s expectations.   Also, I want to be able to post a story, POP POP POP and be all like “Done!”  (That’s what I like from other authors as well.)  And I just can’t do that unless the story is completely written – because I write so slowly the monkeys with their typewriters and green visors laugh at me.    And a very small reason is because I have a life, of sorts.  Anyway, I have kids, who make me busy.

This is a quandary.  Because I’ve got a whack of words that I’m just sitting on, and it  feels a bit, I don’t know a delicate way of saying this – constipating.  The urge to be done is very powerful.  But must be resisted – for the good of the way I tell a story.  Jeez, I don’t even know if anyone will like this story (or follow it all the way through), so it really is for me, all unfinished and all.  

Bad Analogy Alert!

It’s like I’m a factory, see, and on one side, I’ve got finished steel and on the other, I’ve got all sorts of molten material.  I just can’t snip off the bit that’s polished and leave the rest of the it still being rolled in the machine or even being poured from the the hot molten bucket – the whole slab must be accounted for, or else it’ll be uneven or not according to specifications or something bad.  I don’t know.

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